How i miss someone to hold when hope begins to fade.

If not mistaken,it's been 4 months i haven't seen Ecah & Imran.I believe they have grown up now and completely forgotten me.I miss them so much especially Ecah.I miss those days when she called me "uncle",i miss her kisses,i miss her voice,i miss everything about her.I miss those days when i took care of her for a week.It was "uncle day care" for me.hahaha Let see,i have to wake up around 6.30 in the morning because her grandma is going to school.Then i brought her to gerai Cik Ani to buy some kuih.Her favourite was Kuih Keria mungkin sebab kuih tu manis as she likes candy very much.Sambil-sambil beli kuih tunjukkan dia burung,i remember she was very excited everytime she saw "buwung".Once we reached home i made "cucu" for her and carried her to play outside the house.We weren't actually playing outside we just looking for a cat.She called it "meow".But she's afraid of cats.Normally she'll say "Meow,akut" maksudnye dia takut dengan meow tu.Well,bila aku dah letih melayan dia,i brought her inside.Simply let her play alone.Tell you something,i'm the one who taught her to watch katun.Her favourite channel was Disney Playhouse.She watched Pocoyo,Bob the builder tapi dia takut tgk sesame streets & Barney and friends.Bila nampak je katun tu,dia ckp "akut".So i have to change the channel but make sure its a cartoon.But the hardest part is i can't go anywhere without her following me.Terutama sekali if she wanna sleep i'd have to carry her until she fell asleep.I miss those days so much.Come to think about it,one day when she comes back to Malaysia,she's already 4-5 years of age then.I won't have the chance to "dukung" her anymore or play with her like i used to. How i miss someone to hold when hope begins to fade.




suke dia baru pas mandi.Lepas tu terus bwk die pi MCD


Uncle chatting sambil dukung die sebab die tdo.



budak baik selongkar wallet uncle




Ecah meranapkan laptop uncle..

First Love? What the fuck!

First Love.How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?Let see,who was my first love?I think there were a lot of them.haha i think i've started to fall in love since i was 12,but that was just a small kid love.I don't give a damn about it.I mean,a real love.Someone who you would give up everything for her.I am now 20,come to think bout it,it's unbelievable that i've loved someone that much.EVEN I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!.I'm talking about something that happened 3 years ago.Its kinda funny,only now i have the guts to tell something like this or maybe i'm just too free to write something about it.Let see,if not mistaken i took almost 2 years to convince myself that she's not here anymore,to tell myself that we weren't meant to be together,she's gone,just like that,THE END!.But it was a hell of a life.The 1st one year,i found myself hard to let go everything.Too many sleepless nights,i kept wondering why?WHY?WHY this wonderful girl simply came into my life and then she's gone!,dissappeared!,she ran away just like that.What's the point?No matter what i do,no matter what i achieve,she's not here.She's gone! i'm all alone!.Only then i realised crying with a smile is the most painful thing.Saat itu,aku rasakan akulah orang paling sunyi dalamn dunia ni.Thats kinda how it was.I even dreamed about her when i asleep.I still remember this one shit,there was one night when i dreamed about her,she was crying back then,and i cried too just bcos i couldn't stand to see her crying.When i suddenly woke up,i noticed that i was crying so badly,in a real life!WTF! At one time,i asked myself.Is god trying to play fool on me?What have i done wrong?Saat itu aku sedar,sebenarnya Allah sedang mengajar aku.Allah sedang mengingatkan aku bahawa Allah itu maha berkuasa dan maha adil.Allah mengingatkan aku supaya tidak mencintai sesuatu lebih daripada aku mencintainya.Only then i realised what i have done wrong.Before meeting her,i have been in relationships with a few girls.I simply breaked up whenever i wanted and simply find the new one regardless on how they feel inside,as simple as that.I still remember this one girl she told me how much she loves me,how difficult she was just to think that i dumped her with just a simple call.Guess what?i ignored her since i was too busy with my new gf.Damn! come to think about it,i was such a jerk!.But i had a greater punishment in the end.To me,it's the circle of life.What you give,you'll get it back.I've learned a lot of things in these past 3 years.This is how we grow up.We learn from the mistakes.This wonderful girl,she was the sweetest thing ever happened in my life.Knowing her was kinda bonus to me.Thinking of her smiles,the way she laughs,the way she talks and the way she calls me.Everything about her is beautiful.And i can still feel this fucking peaceful feelings when she was sitting next to me back then.For me,she was perfect! Well,there is saying,"nobody's perfect until you fall in love".I guess its true.Haha There are times when i feel down or depressed,i simply think about her and it makes me feel so calm.I remember she told me,in her life there's no sadness.She only knows how to smile,laugh and mad!.She can't be sad otherwise she'll die.It doesn't make sense but it helps me when i'm depressed. Sometimes i wonder,why is it so hard just to forget someone? and i realised even a friend is hard to forget,how do you expect to forget someone you really love.But there's one thing you can do.And that is,to let her go.Gain back your confidence, find your objectives in life and one day you'll learn that everything is gonna be just fine if you do it the right way.There are things in this world that we won't achieve even we've put everything on it, because God knows what best for us.Well,life is uneasy but i'll make it as simple as possible for me.It's been 3 years now,since the last time we met.If someone asking me,do i miss her.Only god knows! but it doesn't mean i want to see her.Maybe someday but not now.Of course i wanna see her,i'm DYING to see her.But there is something inside me that keeps telling me not to do so.I believe that's the best.I'm missing her even more but things have changed so much.Its not like i'm going to chase her anymore.I can think for my own good, i can do anything by myself.I have my own life to live,the same goes to her.To be honest,i still put a lil' hope on her,it can't be helped.To me that's what love all about.Its about hopes, right?i have grown up now,and i know what best for me and i no longer need her.I know the day will come for me where i'm gonna meet the right girl for me.But i'm afraid someday,we'll pass each other on the streets,have a little conversations and i'll have another chance to tell her those fucking 3 words.That is why,we shouldn't meet each other again.Damn!

P\S:"Damn" is currently my favourite word.

Al-quran sebagai panduan

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU TAK DAPAT APA YG AKU IDAM-IDAMKAN?

QURAN MENJAWAB
"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."
- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216-

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA UJIAN SEBERAT INI?

QURAN MENJAWAB
"Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya. "
- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286-

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA RASA FRUST?

QURAN MENJAWAB
"Jgnlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan jgnlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah org2 yg paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu org2 yg beriman."
- Surah Al-Imran ayat 139-

KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?

QURAN MENJAWAB
"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu (menghadapi segala kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara yang berkebajikan) , dan kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih daripada kesabaran musuh, (di medan perjuangan), dan bersedialah (dengan kekuatan pertahanan di daerah-daerah sempadan) serta bertaqwalah (be fearfull of Allah The Almighty) kamu kepada Allah supaya, kamu berjaya (mencapai kemenangan). "

KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?

QURAN MENJAWAB
"Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk"
- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45-

KITA BERTANYA : APA YANG AKU DAPAT DRPD SEMUA INI?

QURAN MENJAWAB
"Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dari org2 mu'min, diri, harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga utk mereka... ?
- Surah At-Taubah ayat 111-

KITA BERTANYA : KEPADA SIAPA AKU BERHARAP?

QURAN MENJAWAB
"Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain dari Nya. Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal. "
- Surah At-Taubah ayat 129-

KITA BERKATA : AKU TAK DAPAT TAHAN!!!

QURAN MENJAWAB
"... ..dan jgnlah kamu berputus asa dr rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dr rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yg kafir."
- Surah Yusuf ayat 12-

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU DIUJI?

QURAN MENJAWAB
"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan; "Kami telah beriman," ("I am full of faith to Allah") sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui org2 yg benar dan, sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta."
-Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3-

Compiled from many sources by Howard Daughters

I've learned...

That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

That when you're in love, it shows.

That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

That being kind is more important than being right.

That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold, and a heart to understand.

That simple walks with my father, around the block on summer nights when I was a child, did wonders for me as an adult.

That life is like a roll of toilet paper - the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

That money doesn't buy class.

That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

That under everyone's hard shell, is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

That the Lord didn't do it all in one day - what makes me think that I can?

That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

That love, not time, heals all wounds.

That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheek.

That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

That I wish I could have told my mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow, he may have to eat them.

That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you're hooked for life.

That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but that all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

That it's best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.

That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.