Saturday, June 11, 2016

How i met Sakinah (Part 7)

Sunday, 31st May 2009. There were four of us, Sakinah, Anas, Zaim and I. We rented a car at Glasgow and went for a road trip to the Scottish Highland, Isle of Skye. We departed from Glasgow around 8am, the journey was supposed to take about 6 hours but we stopped at so many places because the view were superb. Anas was the driver, Zaim was the co-pilot, while Sakinah and i were sitting at the back passenger seat. Sitting next to each other in a car for the first time, i tried to act cool the whole journey. She didnt notice, i took a glance at her when she wasnt looking. And when she fell asleep next to me, i was the luckiest guy having the one i secretly adored sleeping next to me. Do you know the feeling, your secret love that you've been stalking for a long time, only knew each other through social network, suddenly she is next to you, asleep, We were four of us, but in that moment, on my mind, it was only me and her. I wish the journey would take longer because i wanted to be next to her, forever. and THAT WAS MY MOMENT.

My wish came true, we arrived at Kyleakin very late. The hostel that we booked was locked and we were not allowed to check in. Lucky enough, there was another backpacker hostel next to it. So we checked in that hostel. We were all starving. I dont remember what we ate that night but enough to filled up our empty tummy.Next morning we rose up early. we had breakfast together, four of us. That was the most wonderful breakfast i ever had, because i could have it with her. We shared cereals and bread. I was so on the cloud 9.

So we spent two days at the Isle of Skye, it was the most beautiful place i have ever been at at that time. Sky was blue, grass was green and smile was pure. I mean her smile was pure. She was sitting there on the grass looking towards the ocean alone. Well, while writing this reminiscing back old memory i can actually picture the whole scene on my mind. Sakinah didnt notice, i was looking at her from far behind. I dont know but something told me that she knew and she did it on purpose, she purposely sitting there trying to act cool and silent because she knew i was looking. She was wearing black long sleeves tshirt and a blue jeans! Yes I remember! We took a lot of photos together though, i wanted to and she always okay with taking photos with me. Anas had a Nikon and he loved taking photos and we all just had to pose for the camera and he'll snap.

It was a Two days in my life i never wanted to forget. I had mixed feelings. First, i was happy she was there with me. Second, i was sad and feeling stressed at the same time, i felt like she won't love me back. And i kept my feelings. I didnt have the guts to confess. So the whole trip she didnt know i had loved her. In a blink of an eye, our trip came to an end. We  hit the road late in the evening, i dont really remember but i think i took 6 hours from Isle of Skye to Glasgow. I didnt sleep at all. Thinking as it was my last time having sit next to her on a road trip. Well, amazingly when i closed my eyes right now i can feel it. The road was dark, we were hungry, and there she was laying next to me. God knows how much i loved it when she was laying next to me. I felt loved, i felt secured, i felt like i was protecting her. I know i wasnt but somehow my feelings towards her was like "Its okay you can lie down here i will protect you from harm". We barely knew each other though. How could i loved her so much. Someone i only met on friendster. Someone i barely met physically two days ago. But i do, i loved her from the bottom of my heart.

3rd June 2009, My last night in Glasgow. My 7 days trip in Scotland ends tomorrow. I still have not confessed. I was afraid of being turned down. That night, Sakinah's parents allowed me to sleep at their house. In the living room though. But it's better actually because i could lived in the same house with her. That's exactly how i had imagined before coming to Glasgow. I had an idea how to let her know how i felt towards her. Have you ever watched a movie where this man confessed to his woman with writing plenty of short notes and secretly put them in her hand bag. That's exactly what i did. That night i locked the living room's door, i wrote plenty of short notes of confession. It sounds a little jiwang karat i know but those notes were my destiny. Those were the notes of hopes. If it's not because of those notes, we were not be where we are today. I can't remember everything i wrote that night, but i sincerely confessed. I extremely truly in loved with her. As if i had known her for long time. I was so young and in love with a 19 years old teenage girl. After writing about 20 notes i am not sure and then i went to sleep. The next day, was my last day in Glasgow. My flight leaving at 8.40pm so before we went to the airport we went for a short trip to Edinburgh. This time, Sakinah's sister came along. So there were 4 of us including her brother, i think they both already knew i had feelings towards Sakinah. Cant imagine how'd they figured out but they let Sakinah and i walked together 50m ahead of them. Its like they gave me a chance to spend time with her since it was my last day. So we walked, and talked and laughed. That moment was precious and that was our moment. We sat down on a bench talking and smiling. Sakinah looks so cool that day. I mean she always acting cool. Even now she still is. Well that made me feeling more nervous though. We were sitting and watching Raihan and Anas taking photos, they were so happy though. Especially Raihan, she's always happy and laugh. And that moment, i knew i would regret for the rest of my life if i dont take this opportunity. I want to be part of this family. So much happiness on their face. So the time was right. It was my moment and i would never ever had better opportunity to let her know. I took out the notes out of my sling bag. I quickly put them inside her hand bag. She asked me " Apa ni? Kalau duit saya tak nak. ". I told her, this is something else, its not money. Promise me you'll not open and read this notes until i depart. She seemed confused but smiled. I know, she already knew my what my intention was. We both were smiling towards each other. I still remember that smile from her face and i miss that smile EVERYDAY until today. It was a positive sign.

Later that day, they sent me to Glasgow Airport and we wished Good bye. It was a wonderful trip. I would say, it was the most beautiful trip i ever had. One that i will never forget for the rest of my life. I dont even want to forget it. I did not have high hopes though. I did what i had come for. Whatever happen after that, i will accept it. Sakinah did call me minutes later, just to check whether everything was okay with the check in process. As soon as i reached the boarding gate, i turned off the phone. on the flight i was worried the whole time. I kept thinking what if after reading all the notes she'll hate me, or distance from me. What if i just ruined our friendship. What if she rejected me, can we still be friends. In my mind i had cursed myself countless times. Felt like it was a mistake. Maybe it was too soon to confess. As soon as i arrived at Nottingham, i turned on my phone. I nervously turned it on and waiting for her text. I knew she would texted me after reading those notes. So i eagerly waiting. Suddenly my phone rang, it was Sakinah. She called me. I tried to act cool, don't want to sound too obvious that i was expecting her. I counted until 5 before i picked up her call.
 " Dah sampai Nottingham ke? Have your brother picked you up? " I said not yet still at the airport waiting. It was a normal conversation, not as i expected. I was disappointed though, i expect something more than that. The conversation was too ordinary as she hasnt read the notes yet or maybe she just didnt care. I mean, my expectation was "She went home straight after sending me to the airport, ran away into her bedroom and read those notes and fall  in love with me and called me and say i love you too. " A normal person would do that right.  This way, she made me feel more nervous! Few minutes later, as i was waiting for my brother to pick me up at the airport. I received an inbox. It was her. I knew this is it. Its the moment. Its either Yes or No. Aku siap baca bismillah sebelum buka inbox tu. So i read

 " Syafiq, Kalau ada jodoh tak kemana"

Her text was short but i knew it is a yes. She just needs some time to say yes but to me it was already a yes. Alhamdulillah, kini setelah 8 tahun , kami bakal melansungkan perkahwinan kami pada bulan Julai tahun ini. We have gone through a lot together. I saw her grown up. From a 19 years old teenage girl,to a college student in Glasgow, UITM after that and now she is almost finished her Master's degree in Jeju Island. Becoming the only Malaysian living in Jeju. A lot of things happen within 8 years and also a lot has changed. Who would have thought, the teenage girl that i met in Friendster 9 years ago with a photo of her showing off her ticket to Bon Jovi Concert at Hampden Park is going to be my wife in 2 months. I will never forget, that moment back in 2009, our first meeting where i saw a little girl jumping and waving towards me calling my name at Glasgow International Airport. That was when i knew, i wanted to marry her.

Just like when she said 8 years ago, kalau ada jodoh tak kemana. So, that is how i met my Sakinah.

Friday, January 16, 2015

How i met my Sakinah. How i fell in love with her (Part 6)

It was Saturday, 30th May 2009. We all went to Malaysia Festival in Glasgow. Sakinah's family opened up a small kiosk which they'r selling heaps of Malaysian foods. And my task on that day was to help out with the selling and promoting. Sakinah was busy because she has her own booth of Batik Chanting. She's busy with visitors. Deep down i was hoping Sakinah would stay with us at the kiosk so that i would have more time to spend with her. But she didnt. She's always busy. Again, i was alone most of the time. She didnt realise from far behind, i looked at her all the time. The way she's painting, laughing, i wished to be her special one. But i was not. She did not even take a glance on me. How arrogant she was back then. But i knew, someday she'll be mine.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

FOr the first time in my life after 4 years, i feel like im the loneliest man in the world

Thursday, July 5, 2012

How i met my Sakinah. How i fell in love with her. ( Part 5)

Sorry for the long delay. But tonight the mood is right to contnue this story. Sakinah is having a hard time now with all her assignments and assessments, not having time to accompany her through this difficult time, i feel really bad. At least this story will give her something to cheer about. I am very sweet right? Haha she must be laughing right now.

Lets the sequel begins.
I told my sister i wanted to visit a friend in Scotland. I couldnt tell her the truth because i know my sister, she'd be worried. She is like a second mom to me. Always worried about her brothers. So to ensure she wont be worried, i told her i wanna visit my ex-school mate in Glasgow. Kak Ngah if you'r reading this i wanna apologise it was something that i had to do. LOL

28th May 2009, my sister and her husband sent me to East Midlands Airport. My flight to Glasgow departed at 5pm. On the flight, only god knows how nervous i felt. Try to imagine, you are travelling hundreds of miles to meet someone you met through friendster. Its crazy! But thats my specialty i do crazy stuffs. I was really excited to see her for the first time at the same time worried to death. 6pm i arrived in Glasgow International Airport. The weather was comfortable that day, wasnt cold wasnt hot. Just nice. I turned on my phone and opened the inbox, i received a text from Sakinah. " Ashin, kitorang baru keluar rumah mungkin sampai lambat sikit". I replied and asked her who's she coming with?. BOMMM! " Dengan ayah".
Berderau jantung, darah mengalir degupan jantung semakin laju perjalanan semakin perlahan. Perasaan nervous menyelubungi, lebih nervous daripada bermain di pertandingan badminton in 3rd game di kala duse 20-20. Tapi demi meluahkan perasaan ku tempuh jua. Phuihh! ayat x boleh blah.

Ok serious balik. Sakinah was in a relationship with someone else and i was well aware of that. Its not like i wanna steal her away. I just wanted to let her know that someone here, from the other side of the world, hasthis one special feeling for her, a strong feeling that tells him everyday this heart beats for her. I don't wanna grow old  and someday when i look back , talk to myself, i had a chance, one chance to tell her how much i love her but i blow it because of fear. And keep asking myself and wondering what if i had tell her the truth?

In the airport, i waited for them. I sat down waiting nervously. I wanna make a good 1st impression when she sees me. I thought about what to say to her and her father. Only god knows how nervous i felt back then. I was thinking, in a few minutes, i will see Sakinah Omar, the girl that i secretly loved only through internet. Its like a dream come true.

Sakinah sent a text, they have arrived and asked me to wait outside, but i couldnt find her car. We end up looking for each other. As i turned back, i saw two little hobbits ;p, jumping, waiving and shouting " Ashin! Ashin!". I saw her. For the first time, i saw her right in front of me. They were Sakinah and her sister Raihan. I recognized her in the first glance. She looked just like in the photo, but a little shorter and cuter. I smiled at them but terdiam seribu bahasa. Tak tau nak cakap ape. I tried to be friendly, but ended up kelam kabut. I knew i looked so nervous because her father was there. He looks so serious. Inside the car, i sat in the front seat next to her father. After i fasten the seat belt i said "kat UK ni banyak camera jadi kena sentiasa pakai seat belt". Then her father replied, " Pakai seat belt bukan sebab kamera tp untuk keselamatan kita". And i was like " Shit! demmit! malunye aku!!!" (monologue) . I got trolled on the first day!

We arrived at Sakinah's house, the initial planned was to go straight to her friend's house where i supposed to stay. But her mother buat masak-masak sikit for dinner so i went to her house for dinner. I met her mom and her elder brother, abg anas. They'r all friendly and i felt welcome there but i felt really awkward and shy. I sat down alone in the living room. I was so shy. I felt like i wanna go home. Suddenly i regretted being there. Maybe because i was left alone in the living room. I felt like stranger. Sakinah, Raihan and her mother were in the kitchen, and there's me sitting alone in the living room. And i felt really dissapointed because It wasnt what i have imagined. Sakinah seems like a little arrogant. She didnt talk to me as much as in the YM. She spent most of the time away from me. Either in her room, or in the kitchen. Suddenly i felt unwelcome. Then Raihan appeared, we had a wee bit conversation. I was surprised because Raihan spoke to me more than Sakinah. I really wanna have chit chat with her but she's missing in action. I was sad. Really really sad. Sakinah didnt show any ineterest to talk to me. I felt really stupid, and i wanna go home. I wished time flies very fast so that i could go home.

In the dining table we did talk, but not often, her mom asked me a lot of questions, and raihan too. Sakinah was quiet. After dinner, Sakinah, Raihan and Abg anas sent me to Aidil's house, the place where i'm gonna stay. We'r all just walking. While walking we talk about each other. We laughed and we joking, and that simple 10 min walk, really made my day. 10 min walk with her worth all the hardships, shyness, fear and the pain i felt knowing that, this little girl, walking next to me, without knowing that, i love her. The pain doesnt matter anymore, because she is right in front of me, and the next 7 days will be the happiest days i ever had.

Monday, July 2, 2012

New place, New Zealand

Im staying in Lincoln in the region of Canterbury in New Zealand. I have been living here for a month now. Currently working at The Warehouse Distribution Centre. Many people asked me what am i actually doing in New Zealand. Actually i am now on vacation or it is called working holiday where you are given a visa to stay up to one year with a permission to work. Everything in NZ is freaking expensive. Not just the currency but the figure as well. For example, if the price of Bread is RM2.50 in Malaysia, the price here is 2.50$. The figure is the same however the currencies value is 2.5 higher than Malaysia Ringgit. NZ, its all about money. The only good thing about NZ is the minimum wages. In NZ you can expect to earn 14$ per hour if you work as general worker. But life here is no walk in the park. But that's experience. No pain no gain.

It is winter now. Temperature at night can down as low as -4C. But im getting used to it. I miss home too. I miss mom, brothers and sisters, friends and my love Sakinah. But its good to be a part sometimes. She can learn to live independently. Even im worried but its a good practice. Coz she always got into troubles. Thats what i love the most about her. She is vulnerable. Always need protection. 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

My 24th birthday

April 5th 2012 was my 24th birthday, i am still very young. Life begins at 40 isnt it? ;p My sakinah bought me a few lovely presents she hid everything in her car, well i know she put a lot of effort in it and i really love all of them. For my birthday celebration we went to Nando's and Secret Recipe in one night, had my stomach full of "good" foods that night. The home-made birthday card she made for me was simply melting my heart. I love her to bits

This year my birthday was the best because i had Aisyah and Imran at home. They just got back from England. I consider them as my birthday presents as well, i love them so much. Aisyah gave a me birthday present, she "cleaned" up my room and said suprise! the truth is she messed up my bed and everything. But to her the room was pretty and she managed everything in her own way. Well i take that as a present. Well you know we dont say no to a gift from a child. Thank you Sakinah for everything

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Poor me

My sister is coming back to Malaysia soon. Its a good news and a bad news as well. The good news is i'll be able to see my niece and nephew. The bad part is since my brother is using my sisters car. So he has to return it to her. Thus, i'll have to let my brother use the car im driving now. Bcos my brother is still studying at UTHM while me, a graduate who is going to NZ in a few months. Soon, i wont have a car. And guess what? I have to cancel my plan of working as a school teacher temporarily bcos i wont have a car! Can you believe it? coz i cant!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

How i met my Sakinah. How i fallen in love with her (part 4)

Several months passed by, nothing much going on between us. 9th April 2009, i went to the UK to visit my sister in Nottingham. I stayed there for 3 months. Before going to the UK, i told Sakinah that i was coming. Again, I asked her if i come to Scotland, would she be my tour guide. I wasnt serious back then. But she said it would be wonderful if i come. While i was in the Nottingham, i diligently stalked her friendster again. In fact, she started to give comments on my photos taken in the UK. You know reading those comments were like a hope for me. A sign that she's actually gave a damn about me. And we started to chat again. I still remember she told me how much she missed KFC etc..and how has she forgotten the warmness and humidity in Malaysia. She hasnt gone back for 4 years. Everyday when i woke up, i would turn on my laptop hoping to see "Sakinah Omar is online" or "Sakinah omar has sent you a comment" in my email. When i saw those, this is how i felt like

The feeling i felt back then, sweet and bitter at the same time. I felt so happy that i could die every time we had conversation. But indescribable seed of sorrow in my heart trying to accept the fact that in reality her heart belongs to someone else. Not me. But i kept it very well. I did not let her know. That's the problem with me. Always falling for the wrong one. I havent been in love for so long but suddenly when it does, its a wrong one. I do not know how to describe it, Have you guys listened to Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly. That is exactly how i felt about her.

Until one day i decided i wanted to go to Scotland. I wanted to see her. At the same time i could go sightseeing. So going for holidays in Scotland as an excuse to see her. Perfect! I had a plan. A perfect plan. Think its a suicide plan.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Am i being greedy or opportunist?

My sister at Aussie invited me to stay with her at Newcastle. She said the pay is good. Her husband is working at the farm eggs and the salary is as twice as higher compare with New Zealand. At farm eggs for new workers they pay 19 AUD per hour, the pay is twice as higher on the weekends. I have already granted a New Zealand working holiday visa, but now should i wait for the Australia working holiday to open on July? I dont know. I just feel that if i have both Visas i can experience both countries and earn good money. What do you think? Am i being greedy or just being opportunist?

Thursday, February 9, 2012

New Zealand - My dilemma

Im going to New Zealand soon for working holiday. But i havent bought the ticket yet. Actually im in a dilemma right now whether i should depart on March or May. The reason i'm delaying my departure is because i want to attend MARA examination for postgraduate scholarship. However, the competition is very high, thousands of applicants will be competing hence its difficult to get the scholarship. Actually its a win-loss situation, if i end up failed the exams, i will have to depart to New Zealand on May and during that period of time, its pretty hard to get jobs. If i dont attend the exams, i would be able to depart earlier which is on March where there are plenty of seasonal jobs available. So? Making a decision is fucking tough isnt it?