Sorry for the long delay. But tonight the mood is right to contnue this story. Sakinah is having a hard time now with all her assignments and assessments, not having time to accompany her through this difficult time, i feel really bad. At least this story will give her something to cheer about. I am very sweet right? Haha she must be laughing right now.
Lets the sequel begins.
I told my sister i wanted to visit a friend in Scotland. I couldnt tell her the truth because i know my sister, she'd be worried. She is like a second mom to me. Always worried about her brothers. So to ensure she wont be worried, i told her i wanna visit my ex-school mate in Glasgow. Kak Ngah if you'r reading this i wanna apologise it was something that i had to do. LOL
28th May 2009, my sister and her husband sent me to East Midlands Airport. My flight to Glasgow departed at 5pm. On the flight, only god knows how nervous i felt. Try to imagine, you are travelling hundreds of miles to meet someone you met through friendster. Its crazy! But thats my specialty i do crazy stuffs. I was really excited to see her for the first time at the same time worried to death. 6pm i arrived in Glasgow International Airport. The weather was comfortable that day, wasnt cold wasnt hot. Just nice. I turned on my phone and opened the inbox, i received a text from Sakinah. " Ashin, kitorang baru keluar rumah mungkin sampai lambat sikit". I replied and asked her who's she coming with?. BOMMM! " Dengan ayah".
Berderau jantung, darah mengalir degupan jantung semakin laju perjalanan semakin perlahan. Perasaan nervous menyelubungi, lebih nervous daripada bermain di pertandingan badminton in 3rd game di kala duse 20-20. Tapi demi meluahkan perasaan ku tempuh jua. Phuihh! ayat x boleh blah.
Ok serious balik. Sakinah was in a relationship with someone else and i was well aware of that. Its not like i wanna steal her away. I just wanted to let her know that someone here, from the other side of the world, hasthis one special feeling for her, a strong feeling that tells him everyday this heart beats for her. I don't wanna grow old and someday when i look back , talk to myself, i had a chance, one chance to tell her how much i love her but i blow it because of fear. And keep asking myself and wondering what if i had tell her the truth?
In the airport, i waited for them. I sat down waiting nervously. I wanna make a good 1st impression when she sees me. I thought about what to say to her and her father. Only god knows how nervous i felt back then. I was thinking, in a few minutes, i will see Sakinah Omar, the girl that i secretly loved only through internet. Its like a dream come true.
Sakinah sent a text, they have arrived and asked me to wait outside, but i couldnt find her car. We end up looking for each other. As i turned back, i saw two little hobbits ;p, jumping, waiving and shouting " Ashin! Ashin!". I saw her. For the first time, i saw her right in front of me. They were Sakinah and her sister Raihan. I recognized her in the first glance. She looked just like in the photo, but a little shorter and cuter. I smiled at them but terdiam seribu bahasa. Tak tau nak cakap ape. I tried to be friendly, but ended up kelam kabut. I knew i looked so nervous because her father was there. He looks so serious. Inside the car, i sat in the front seat next to her father. After i fasten the seat belt i said "kat UK ni banyak camera jadi kena sentiasa pakai seat belt". Then her father replied, " Pakai seat belt bukan sebab kamera tp untuk keselamatan kita". And i was like " Shit! demmit! malunye aku!!!" (monologue) . I got trolled on the first day!
We arrived at Sakinah's house, the initial planned was to go straight to her friend's house where i supposed to stay. But her mother buat masak-masak sikit for dinner so i went to her house for dinner. I met her mom and her elder brother, abg anas. They'r all friendly and i felt welcome there but i felt really awkward and shy. I sat down alone in the living room. I was so shy. I felt like i wanna go home. Suddenly i regretted being there. Maybe because i was left alone in the living room. I felt like stranger. Sakinah, Raihan and her mother were in the kitchen, and there's me sitting alone in the living room. And i felt really dissapointed because It wasnt what i have imagined. Sakinah seems like a little arrogant. She didnt talk to me as much as in the YM. She spent most of the time away from me. Either in her room, or in the kitchen. Suddenly i felt unwelcome. Then Raihan appeared, we had a wee bit conversation. I was surprised because Raihan spoke to me more than Sakinah. I really wanna have chit chat with her but she's missing in action. I was sad. Really really sad. Sakinah didnt show any ineterest to talk to me. I felt really stupid, and i wanna go home. I wished time flies very fast so that i could go home.
In the dining table we did talk, but not often, her mom asked me a lot of questions, and raihan too. Sakinah was quiet. After dinner, Sakinah, Raihan and Abg anas sent me to Aidil's house, the place where i'm gonna stay. We'r all just walking. While walking we talk about each other. We laughed and we joking, and that simple 10 min walk, really made my day. 10 min walk with her worth all the hardships, shyness, fear and the pain i felt knowing that, this little girl, walking next to me, without knowing that, i love her. The pain doesnt matter anymore, because she is right in front of me, and the next 7 days will be the happiest days i ever had.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
Im staying in Lincoln in the region of Canterbury in New Zealand. I have been living here for a month now. Currently working at The Warehouse Distribution Centre. Many people asked me what am i actually doing in New Zealand. Actually i am now on vacation or it is called working holiday where you are given a visa to stay up to one year with a permission to work. Everything in NZ is freaking expensive. Not just the currency but the figure as well. For example, if the price of Bread is RM2.50 in Malaysia, the price here is 2.50$. The figure is the same however the currencies value is 2.5 higher than Malaysia Ringgit. NZ, its all about money. The only good thing about NZ is the minimum wages. In NZ you can expect to earn 14$ per hour if you work as general worker. But life here is no walk in the park. But that's experience. No pain no gain.
It is winter now. Temperature at night can down as low as -4C. But im getting used to it. I miss home too. I miss mom, brothers and sisters, friends and my love Sakinah. But its good to be a part sometimes. She can learn to live independently. Even im worried but its a good practice. Coz she always got into troubles. Thats what i love the most about her. She is vulnerable. Always need protection.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
April 5th 2012 was my 24th birthday, i am still very young. Life begins at 40 isnt it? ;p My sakinah bought me a few lovely presents she hid everything in her car, well i know she put a lot of effort in it and i really love all of them. For my birthday celebration we went to Nando's and Secret Recipe in one night, had my stomach full of "good" foods that night. The home-made birthday card she made for me was simply melting my heart. I love her to bits
This year my birthday was the best because i had Aisyah and Imran at home. They just got back from England. I consider them as my birthday presents as well, i love them so much. Aisyah gave a me birthday present, she "cleaned" up my room and said suprise! the truth is she messed up my bed and everything. But to her the room was pretty and she managed everything in her own way. Well i take that as a present. Well you know we dont say no to a gift from a child. Thank you Sakinah for everything
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
My sister is coming back to Malaysia soon. Its a good news and a bad news as well. The good news is i'll be able to see my niece and nephew. The bad part is since my brother is using my sisters car. So he has to return it to her. Thus, i'll have to let my brother use the car im driving now. Bcos my brother is still studying at UTHM while me, a graduate who is going to NZ in a few months. Soon, i wont have a car. And guess what? I have to cancel my plan of working as a school teacher temporarily bcos i wont have a car! Can you believe it? coz i cant!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Several months passed by, nothing much going on between us. 9th April 2009, i went to the UK to visit my sister in Nottingham. I stayed there for 3 months. Before going to the UK, i told Sakinah that i was coming. Again, I asked her if i come to Scotland, would she be my tour guide. I wasnt serious back then. But she said it would be wonderful if i come. While i was in the Nottingham, i diligently stalked her friendster again. In fact, she started to give comments on my photos taken in the UK. You know reading those comments were like a hope for me. A sign that she's actually gave a damn about me. And we started to chat again. I still remember she told me how much she missed KFC etc..and how has she forgotten the warmness and humidity in Malaysia. She hasnt gone back for 4 years. Everyday when i woke up, i would turn on my laptop hoping to see "Sakinah Omar is online" or "Sakinah omar has sent you a comment" in my email. When i saw those, this is how i felt like http://9gag.com/gag/3008482
The feeling i felt back then, sweet and bitter at the same time. I felt so happy that i could die every time we had conversation. But indescribable seed of sorrow in my heart trying to accept the fact that in reality her heart belongs to someone else. Not me. But i kept it very well. I did not let her know. That's the problem with me. Always falling for the wrong one. I havent been in love for so long but suddenly when it does, its a wrong one. I do not know how to describe it, Have you guys listened to Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly. That is exactly how i felt about her.
Until one day i decided i wanted to go to Scotland. I wanted to see her. At the same time i could go sightseeing. So going for holidays in Scotland as an excuse to see her. Perfect! I had a plan. A perfect plan. Think its a suicide plan.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
My sister at Aussie invited me to stay with her at Newcastle. She said the pay is good. Her husband is working at the farm eggs and the salary is as twice as higher compare with New Zealand. At farm eggs for new workers they pay 19 AUD per hour, the pay is twice as higher on the weekends. I have already granted a New Zealand working holiday visa, but now should i wait for the Australia working holiday to open on July? I dont know. I just feel that if i have both Visas i can experience both countries and earn good money. What do you think? Am i being greedy or just being opportunist?
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Im going to New Zealand soon for working holiday. But i havent bought the ticket yet. Actually im in a dilemma right now whether i should depart on March or May. The reason i'm delaying my departure is because i want to attend MARA examination for postgraduate scholarship. However, the competition is very high, thousands of applicants will be competing hence its difficult to get the scholarship. Actually its a win-loss situation, if i end up failed the exams, i will have to depart to New Zealand on May and during that period of time, its pretty hard to get jobs. If i dont attend the exams, i would be able to depart earlier which is on March where there are plenty of seasonal jobs available. So? Making a decision is fucking tough isnt it?
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Higher Education Institutions in Malaysia apply the system of CGPA in their grading. However, this system is not equally synchronized in all universities. Certain Universities have set their "A" grade to 85 marks, most IPTAs only required 80 or even 75 marks to obtain A. In the end, most students from IPTA tend to achieve better CGPA because of the lower grading set up. How is this possible?
Monday, January 30, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Alhamdulillah, after a hard fought over the past 4 years i finally graduated in Bsc Civil Engineering. Should i cry or smile? I don't know. I'm feeling very sad to leave Uniten, my apartment and my friends. Congratulations, the best time of my life are over. I had the time of my life.