First Love? What the fuck!

First Love.How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?Let see,who was my first love?I think there were a lot of them.haha i think i've started to fall in love since i was 12,but that was just a small kid love.I don't give a damn about it.I mean,a real love.Someone who you would give up everything for her.I am now 20,come to think bout it,it's unbelievable that i've loved someone that much.EVEN I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!.I'm talking about something that happened 3 years ago.Its kinda funny,only now i have the guts to tell something like this or maybe i'm just too free to write something about it.Let see,if not mistaken i took almost 2 years to convince myself that she's not here anymore,to tell myself that we weren't meant to be together,she's gone,just like that,THE END!.But it was a hell of a life.The 1st one year,i found myself hard to let go everything.Too many sleepless nights,i kept wondering why?WHY?WHY this wonderful girl simply came into my life and then she's gone!,dissappeared!,she ran away just like that.What's the point?No matter what i do,no matter what i achieve,she's not here.She's gone! i'm all alone!.Only then i realised crying with a smile is the most painful thing.Saat itu,aku rasakan akulah orang paling sunyi dalamn dunia ni.Thats kinda how it was.I even dreamed about her when i asleep.I still remember this one shit,there was one night when i dreamed about her,she was crying back then,and i cried too just bcos i couldn't stand to see her crying.When i suddenly woke up,i noticed that i was crying so badly,in a real life!WTF! At one time,i asked myself.Is god trying to play fool on me?What have i done wrong?Saat itu aku sedar,sebenarnya Allah sedang mengajar aku.Allah sedang mengingatkan aku bahawa Allah itu maha berkuasa dan maha adil.Allah mengingatkan aku supaya tidak mencintai sesuatu lebih daripada aku mencintainya.Only then i realised what i have done wrong.Before meeting her,i have been in relationships with a few girls.I simply breaked up whenever i wanted and simply find the new one regardless on how they feel inside,as simple as that.I still remember this one girl she told me how much she loves me,how difficult she was just to think that i dumped her with just a simple call.Guess what?i ignored her since i was too busy with my new gf.Damn! come to think about it,i was such a jerk!.But i had a greater punishment in the end.To me,it's the circle of life.What you give,you'll get it back.I've learned a lot of things in these past 3 years.This is how we grow up.We learn from the mistakes.This wonderful girl,she was the sweetest thing ever happened in my life.Knowing her was kinda bonus to me.Thinking of her smiles,the way she laughs,the way she talks and the way she calls me.Everything about her is beautiful.And i can still feel this fucking peaceful feelings when she was sitting next to me back then.For me,she was perfect! Well,there is saying,"nobody's perfect until you fall in love".I guess its true.Haha There are times when i feel down or depressed,i simply think about her and it makes me feel so calm.I remember she told me,in her life there's no sadness.She only knows how to smile,laugh and mad!.She can't be sad otherwise she'll die.It doesn't make sense but it helps me when i'm depressed. Sometimes i wonder,why is it so hard just to forget someone? and i realised even a friend is hard to forget,how do you expect to forget someone you really love.But there's one thing you can do.And that is,to let her go.Gain back your confidence, find your objectives in life and one day you'll learn that everything is gonna be just fine if you do it the right way.There are things in this world that we won't achieve even we've put everything on it, because God knows what best for us.Well,life is uneasy but i'll make it as simple as possible for me.It's been 3 years now,since the last time we met.If someone asking me,do i miss her.Only god knows! but it doesn't mean i want to see her.Maybe someday but not now.Of course i wanna see her,i'm DYING to see her.But there is something inside me that keeps telling me not to do so.I believe that's the best.I'm missing her even more but things have changed so much.Its not like i'm going to chase her anymore.I can think for my own good, i can do anything by myself.I have my own life to live,the same goes to her.To be honest,i still put a lil' hope on her,it can't be helped.To me that's what love all about.Its about hopes, right?i have grown up now,and i know what best for me and i no longer need her.I know the day will come for me where i'm gonna meet the right girl for me.But i'm afraid someday,we'll pass each other on the streets,have a little conversations and i'll have another chance to tell her those fucking 3 words.That is why,we shouldn't meet each other again.Damn!

P\S:"Damn" is currently my favourite word.